Parent Bootcamp

I knew I would experience new emotions as a first time mom, but I had no idea how many feelings would come along with the elated highs and engulfing feelings of love. We’ve been practicing the principles of Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M. D., and on Charlotte’s one month birthday, Tyler and I decided to go by the book and allow her to cry before naps and bedtime. Our desire is for Charlotte to learn how to self-soothe so that she can sleep on her own and not be dependent on me lulling her to sleep by one of my many methods: walking her up and down the hallway, rocking her in her glider, swaying her outside to the cicada’s tune, leaning my body against the dryer while it’s running.

I hate to sound overdramatic by saying “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done” but “THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I’VE EVER DONE.” Forget labor. Labor was a breeze compared to hearing Charlotte cry (hyperbole y’all).

We waited to let Charlie cry it out (CIO) until a day when Tyler was home. I’m so thankful we did this, because I would not have survived on my own. Ty is so good at calming me down when I’m frustrated or upset. As she cried, he calmly kept reminding me that it was for the best and that Charlotte is perfectly fine and she knows we love her. As she wailed, we paced from one end of our 900 sq. foot house to the other, looking at the clock. Each minute felt like an eternity. As she cried, we read and reread the chapter titled “When Your Baby Cries,” highlighting the reason and benefits of what we’re doing, hoping that our studies will make it easier. It doesn’t. Callie the Cat is even sitting by the door, looking at us, then back at the door thinking, “Why aren’t these people doing anything about this?” Tyler and I hug in the hallway. I cried. Here is our perfect, month old, nine pound, dark-haired, precious babe, screaming her little guts out and we have the ability to go try and console her, but chose not to. Who does this Ezzo chump think he is!?

Seventy minutes later (I count in minutes rather than hours in effort to make myself feel better), after several failed attempts to calm her – patting her belly, telling her I love her, trying to give her a pacifier, checking her diaper, she wins. Momma goes in. I scoop her over-heated body up and place her vertically against my chest. I can feel her tiny wet tears as I cradle her tiny head in the palm of my hand. Her body shivers. Her lip quivers. A few seconds pass before she’s willing to trust my whisper, “Momma’s here, Sweet Charlotte.” Finally convinced that I won’t put her back down, her petite frame goes limp.

The battle is over.

Charlotte =  1

Parents =  -100,000

We’re on Day Five of CIO. She is the perfect little angel and she loves nap time and goes right to sleep. It is still so very, very difficult. But I do think it’s getting better. I feel like I do a good job of interpreting when she’s getting sleepy and ready for a nap, so that I can put her down at just the right time. She doesn’t cry for an hour and the pitch of her cry has gotten softer. Some naps, she looks all around at the walls of her cute bedroom before fading into sleep. And three out of the past four nights, she’s slept six hours straight.

Perseverance.
Patience.
Prayer.
Progress!